the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
