YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
