when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
