i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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