Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet he comes in French.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
