What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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