Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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