i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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