"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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