I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize