# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
