i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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