you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're making bets on your personal life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
