im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we're so committed to being not committed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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