guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize