in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
