How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
