That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize