I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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