I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
