She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
