I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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