Little spoons don't ask big questions
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
