broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
