Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
