The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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