So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
