you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
whose parrot is this?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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