This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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