how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
