Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
