That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The air taste purple.
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