I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
