It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
