Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As shirtless as possible
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
