If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's like iHOP with fire
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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