Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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