Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
