i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
