Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
