Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
