Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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