I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
