puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
