when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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