I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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