what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
