you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize