Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize