Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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