Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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