Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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