fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my poor anus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
