and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize