just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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