ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
