Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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