I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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