literally had 100 drinks last night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
