And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
