So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
