sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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