Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
