Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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