If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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