Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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