woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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