have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
