Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
