So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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