I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
