dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize