addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
