she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
